Favorite Jokes: One-Liners

People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.

A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two.

There are two kinds of lawyers -- those who know the law and those who know the judge.

Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig is at home in the mud.

Changing lawyers in the middle of a case is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titanic.

It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer walking down the street with his hands in his own pockets.

A contingent fee to a lawyer means, if the lawyer doesn't win the clients suit, then the client gets nothing, BUT if the lawyer does win the suit, then the client gets nothing.

Lawyers write a 10,000 word document and call it a brief.

Ignorance of the law excuses no man ... from practicing it.

Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your lawyer at the top of your speed dial.

Children who never come when called will grow up to be doctors, whereas children who come before they are called will grow up to be lawyers.

Death is not the end, there remains the litigation over the estate.

Most attorneys practice because it gives them a grand and glorious feeling - hand them a grand and they feel glorious!