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| 1. You are charging someone for reading these jokes.
2. The shortest sentence you have ever written was more than eighty words long.
3. You have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill.
4. Your other car is a BMW.
5. When you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer.
6. When your wife says "I love you," you cross-examine her. |
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| 1. All of your clothes are one color - orange.
2. Your dog just bit someone whose prefix name is Judge."
3. Your rich, octogenarian, widowed, childless uncle starts dating the French maid.
4. You now have a "bunkmate," rather than a roommate.
5. You parked your car IN the Wal-Mart.
6. Your wife calls and tells you where you can pick up your clothes - and your dog.
7. You just backed into a car with the words "Serve and Protect" painted on it.
8. The grass in your greenhouse is not Bermuda.
9. When pulled over, you address the police as "Occifer."
10. Your elderly, senile relative pays the lawn boy $5,000 to cut the grass.
11. People recognize you from your photo on the Post Office wall.
12. The Judge's wife is the prosecutor's sister.
13. Your initials are OJ. |
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| 1. He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
2. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
3. He decides whether to cross examine each witness by flipping a coin."
4. A big sign in his office says: "Don't ask me."
5. A prison guard is shaving your head.
6 During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy.
7. He gives juror No. 4 his home telephone number during his opening statement.
8. He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..."
9. He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
10. Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"
11. The sign in front of his law office reads "Established 2:25 PM Today."
12. Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."
13. He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."
14. He tries to cheer you up by saying how great you look in orange.
15. He snorts hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code.
16. His only question during cross-examination is, "Isn't it true that you are a liar?"
17. Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting from the jury.
18. Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he screams, "Yahtzee!"
19. When asked about his refund policy, he says I have none - otherwise I would be broke.
20. You met him in prison.
21. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
22. He picks the jury by playing "eny, meeny, miny, moe.
23. He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
24. His tie is square.
25. His dress coat is leather. |
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